For now it’s buried

It’s inside me

Waiting to come out

Waiting.  To break me again

Will there be strength when it shows it’s face

Will there be mercy

God is my strength

God is my mercy

Playing in the rain

I remember as a child begging my mom to let us kids go play in the rain.  I can’t remember what was so appealing to getting wet, but I know that is was something I wanted to do.  Every once in a while she would relent and let us go out and play while the rain was pouring down.

Now as I’m older, playing in the rain doesn’t hold the same appeal.  Instead I dash to and from wherever I’m going as to not get too wet.  Or I carry an umbrella to shield me from the worst of it. 

Today I reflected on the storms of life that bring with it pouring rain and how I am apt to not just dash to and from, but to bunker down in the storm shelter, fearing to even face a drop. 

I hide in my storm shelter while friends beat on the door and beg me to come play in the rain with them.  But I yell no….it’s raining out there.  I might get wet.  I might get struck by lightning.  The thunder is too loud.

Or….You might hurt me.  My heart may get broken again.  I may not be enough or too much for you.  You might break my trust.  So I stay in my storm shelter.  Where it’s dry, safe and quiet.

Today I had to come out of the storm shelter to do something God had been leading me to do.  On the drive over, as large drops of real rain hit my windshield, I grumbled….”God, I don’t want to do this”.  It’s safer to hide.  This was a hurtful storm in my life over three years ago and coming out of hiding was proving scary.  Why re-live the past? 

But in a coffee shop, I offered an apology for hurt I had caused someone, no longer feeling justified in my behavior because of them hurting me  and grace and forgiveness was handed back.  Laughter and memories poured out and the storm was forgotten.  Blown over, in the past.  Sunshine, in the form of freedom was shining brightly.

About an hour later after leaving the coffee shop, the rain had stopped and the sun came shining in the big Texas sky so bright I had to put on my sunglasses.  It’s like God was saying….”See child, sometimes there is rain, but the sun will always come back out, you just have to trust me.  Remember I am with you.  Go play in the rain”.

I feel lighter today.  The other storm in my life swirling around me seems so less frightening.  Fully intending to go bunker back down after my mission was accomplished,  instead I’m feeling like I want to play in the rain. The storm shelter was looking dreary, boring and lonely.

 For today at least, I will be playing under the raindrops of trust and getting drenched in grace.