Waiting isn’t the hard part

Letting go is.  At least for me it is.  Letting go of my desires, my will, my….”NOW!”.

When we let go then waiting becomes a place of rest.  Waiting becomes expectation of God’s blessings.  It becomes an excitement to see what He has for us.  Letting go makes waiting spiritual and binding to God and His will for us.

So if I know this, why is it so hard for me to let go?  Probably because I fear my desires and will aren’t in line with God’s.  So I guess I need to work on letting go of  fear too.

God has been speaking loudly to me on this subject of letting go.  LOUDLY.

I’m hearing, God and I’m trying.

Yes, I freak out

Last night as I was getting ready for bed my mind was playing over the events of this past weekend.  It was a hard weekend (due to my own fault) and I had times of absolutely freak out.  As I lay in bed I told God that I wish I could be that person that when the storms of life come and blow hard that I could just stand there and be calm, watch it blow and stand a model of faith.  But, I realized in that moment I’m not that kind of person.  I just can’t be fake and act like I am.

Yes, I freak out when the wind blows strong.  Yes, for a little while I lose focus and center in on the bad of the moment, re-hash the past and determine that everything I ever feared will happen in the future.  I usually end up with one foot in the past,  one in the future, and as one of my good friends always tells me that leaves me “peeing” (not exactly the word he used!) on today. 🙂

Notice I said for a little while,  although I freak out it doesn’t last very long anymore, because I’ve learned that God is the God of my past, my present and my future and freaking out isn’t going to change that.  So then I calm down pull out the white flag and say…”OK, God my freak out is over, you take over.”

As I lay in bed last night he filled me with the knowledge….He knows my heart.  He knows my heart!  He knows I will probably freak out again in some near future, but He knows deep down I trust Him and knows that I love Him.

Maybe one day I will be that person that can face the wind with bravery and the tmes of freak outs will get less and less.  For now I rest in that He loves me either way!